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Today I drove past this awkward sign..

I thought I would suprise my girlfriend Hayley so I climbed over her balcony with a rose in my mouth, stark naked.

I didn't know she had friends over. Oops.

The Bearded Lady

I saw a woman at the mall and she had a beard. That was weird.
But what was even more wierd was that her boyfriend had a matching one.

Man in the little red dress.

Today I had organised lunch with some of the gentlemen from the Trillionairres Club, Micheal, Steven S, and Paul. Micheal is the CEO of a major mining company in Australia, he owns the largest iron ore mine in Central Australia and he owns an A-League Soccer team. Steven is a movie director who was has been involved in countless movie productions and has met absolutley everyone famous. Micheal's story is slightly odd, he is a multi-qullionaire yet will never say where his money came from. Needless to say he owns a fleet of private helicopters and owns a private jet.
He was trying to talk me into investing into Atlantic Algae Farming, aparently its big money and Atlantic Algae is hot on the market right now. Then he asked me if I wanted to buy a watch, opening his jacket to reveal golden Rolex and Tissot watches pinned inside. I declined, so then he pulled out a pile of Pokemon cards from his pocket. "Wanna trade?" he said, "Look I've got a shiny Charizard!"
I guess thats how he makes his money.

Your not fooling anybody with that toupe.

Today I asked Jeeves to cancel all my appointments, I needed to just relax because my life is so busy. I took time out to do some housework and by housework I mean I got my maid Maria to do it.
I'm a bit worried about my relationship with Hayley, it feels as though she is avoiding me. I mean I know I have been in Italy but she hasn't called me and it seems like she's bored of me or something. I will have to win her over with a nice little gift, its her birthday soon and I have already made plans to  buy her an island, however I think I may need to give her a small gift as well, perhaps that 150k diamond she was talking about..

The Golden Cigar

I just thought I would sneak a quick blog whilst waiting in the First Class Lounge. There is a storm at the moment which has grounded all flights in and out of Rome. A Saudi Prince was drinking alone at the bar earlier, and by alone I mean surrounded by 10 beefy bodyguards. I attempted to approach him for a chat when 3 of his men surrounded me. The prince said someting in arabic and ushered me inside the circle of body guards.
We got to chatting, I shouted him a martini which probably wasnt even necassary since he probably owned the bar anyway. His name was Abdallah-Al-Waddah and he was very annoyed about the storm because he had some urgent business to attend to in Dubai. He told me he was in Italy on business to view the young pedigree foals for his collection of racing horses. He had bought 6 of them at 3 million each.
He offered me a golden cigar and we sat by the window together complaining about women, the economy, George Bush and how hard it was to get a decent kebab in NYC.
The storm is clearing up now so my new plane is getting set for take off.
See you later, Steve.

yes you will follow my blog

I have not written in the last two days as I had to rush to Italy, where my designer jet has just been built. I had to sign some papers and then the jet was mine. I went to the Private Jet Club to show off my new toy, which I bought to show Hayley around the islands for her to choose which one she wants. Its a beauty, the Falcon 20 with White Leather and Light wooden Interior with a white carpet throughout. And it flies like a dream.
This afternoon I will be meeting with my gorgeous mistress Hayley, for a short lunch and a visit to Louis Vuitton. I need some new shoelaces. I hope she wont get too bored.
Tonight Hayley has some girls night on in The Mansion so I have to ask Jeeves to organise that.. She wants a strawberries themed night. Anyway business calls so until next time.

Thank you for smoking.

Today I woke up at 6.30 and smashed it at the gym for 2 hours.
I'm thinking of getting a spray tan, that will impress the ladies.
Or maybe even a tattoo. I will have to think about it though.
What kind of tattoos do the ladies like? I will have to ask my beautiful young mistress.
I'm not running to the botox just yet, just needing something subtle that will give me that extra 'whup-tang', know what I mean!
Anyway after my work out I went to the Exclusive Trillionaires Club, it where a bunch of middle-aged men bored with their lives, smoke expensive cigars and sit around boasting about the hot babes they pick up, the propertys they buy and the latest modifications they have made to their mid-life-crisis car collections.
Darren (he has 33 cars!) was talking about how he had to get some parts for his Hummer imported from Sweden that were hand-made by some pygmy-chinese in a tree. Kale was going on about the golf-range he was getting installed on his private yacht and how it was costing millions of dollars each month to maintain his fleet of private jets.
One professional man there named Eric is a real mate of mine, he introduced me to the club 9 years ago. He has to see a specialist therapist because his hair is thinning on the top and it's given him a complex, poor man. I told him that I heard ashley and martin are the experts of hair re-growth, so he said he'd give it a go. Its shocking to learn that 1 in 3 men will experience hair loss. tutt tutt.
Once I left the club, I headed to the Hilton to meet my sexy young mistress for lunch. Hayley is a gorgeous young woman I would do anything for. We ordered the Lobster and Russian caviar with a bottle of Moet. She asked me if she could have some money to go shopping. I asked her how much. She said $20,000. I said O.k. Apparently she will be jetting off to France on Friday with her girlfriends for a shopping weekend. I think she will need more money.
I had my chauffeur drop Haley off at University in the limo and then I went home.
I'm thinking of extending a part of our holiday mansion, and having a full-size cinema with a jacuzzi and a Emperor size reclining couch. Hmm.
Right now I am just about to hand Jeeves my list of interesting properties that I have selected from various islands in the carribean. I want to buy a private island to suprise Hayley for her birthday.
Till next time. Steve.

Katamari Damacy

I'll still be there, waving a pirate flag.

This is the first post.
Hoorah!